Finding God

Lessons in moving

Due to moving homes, I have found two more major sources of God.

The first is driving to work. I have now been driving for 19 years, but there was a period of about six years recently when I had the services of my parents’ driver and didn’t need to drive every day. Now that I’m on my own, I’ve been driving daily to and from work, and have been observing my own responses to situations on the road and inside my head.

And it seems as if this period has become a sort of meditation for me. It is this time of the day when, out of compulsion, I am forced to focus on the road, my car, the turns, the traffic. All thoughts of work, relationships or home are swept away from my otherwise overactive brain. My Swift and I become one being; it follows my commands and yields to my will; we are one blue flash, albeit courteous, on the rough streets of New Delhi. When I reach my destination, I awaken as if from another state of consciousness.

The second source of God I have discovered is the idea of staying on rent. All my life, I have lived in either my husband’s or father’s home. Even though they weren’t ‘mine’ technically, I still felt connected with those residences, a sense of belonging and ownership. For the first time now, I am my own master. I pay for this home with my own hard-earned salary, and I am fully responsible for what happens to it.

And yet, because it is after all someone else’s property and I am merely the lessee, there is a sense of detachment. I am repeatedly comparing the transitoriness of living in a rented house to one of the core lessons of life – annichcha. This too shall pass. This cute flat, this furniture, these large windows, this glorious view of the rising sun; this is mine – but only for a while. It is impermanent. I can love it while I have it, and I can love it with all my heart, but eventually, it does not belong to me. I will leave or it will be taken away. This sense of detached attachment is a healthy reminder of how I need to view life as a whole.

Enjoy it – the home, the love, the relationships, the car, the job, the role, the looks, the feelings, the thoughts, the wealth, the health, the growth, the devotion, the connections, the joy – while it lasts.

And be prepared to let it go.

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