After I’d written this post about a discussion that had come up in my Gita class in the Aurobindo Ashram, my teacher called me on the phone a few days later (he’s just so amazing).
“You must know that your questions in class were very important. Very important,” he began. “Not everyone knows that they do not actually wish for enlightenment and liberation from the cycles of life and death. At least you know that now.”
“I want you to ask yourself two questions,” he went on without beating around the bush. “First, if you do not want enlightenment, then why do you attend Gita classes? Why do you strive for spiritual evolution?” I was silent in response.
“Second,” he went on without a pause, “ask yourself, what is the difference between those who have achieved spiritual liberation and yourself… Buddha, or your Krishna. What makes them enlightened and you not?” He added a few words of encouragement and left me to my pondering.
I really couldn’t answer his questions, either of them. So like a coward, I began avoiding his classes and finally stopped going there altogether.
It’s been over two months.
I’m still hiding.
I’m not just afraid of the answer. I’m afraid of the change it will bring into my life. Just when I’d become comfortable.