Finding God

Reflections

Yesterday morning I caught a reflection of the view from my living room window in our showcase glass. Basically, it was an inverted version of a familiar view. On one hand, there was something ‘known’ about it; on the other, it seemed fascinatingly new.

I recalled the words of great saints who say this life is a reflection of the Truth. That this is all a dream, maya. That it isn’t all there is.

I kept gazing at the inverted view and marvelled at it. It seemed like some location in Bombay, of which I have fond childhood memories. I wondered how I’d got here from that point… it really did feel like a dream. How have I got here?

That child who revelled in the Bombay monsoons all through her summer holidays (it used to be July-Aug in Dubai), that innocent kid with no inkling of what the future would hold but who believed it would be much like her present… See where she’s reached.

A lot of things have suddenly shifted in my life recently. I’m managing my own home and life and responsibilities independently. I’m frank about my circumstances, unafraid of social judgement. My partner has moved into our apartment complex (a different flat though). So where we used to be lucky to get three or four hours together in a week, we now get that amount of time together in a day. I’ve become healthier because we go for evening walks after dinner. I feel a sense of companionship, security and love. I had become so used to living alone and taking decisions by myself, that it’s suddenly a new feeling to take ‘joint’ decisions, to keep another person’s needs in mind, to make a few adjustments to my schedule. To be patient.

And the kids. They’re learning to make adjustments too, and I’m seeing different sides of them in the process. The good, the bad, the tantrum. And so, I’m learning even more patience – and how to show one’s love despite fatigue or anger.

How far I have come. Not once would that kid on her holidays in Bombay have imagined she’d turn out like this.

If our lives is a reflection of the Truth, there’s no point really working outside in. We have to work inside out. So today, as I woke, I had a thought: What more do I want to be? What is next to achieve in terms of inner growth? And the answer was: Equanimity in the face of odds; boundless energy despite all the workload. I want to be able to take it all in my stride. So be it, so be it, so be it.

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