Seeking God

Cough cough

My throat is killing me these days. I’ve just not got over my cold and cough from Monday. And this is a rare occurrence now, so I’m sitting up and taking good notice.

The first question I asked myself was: What is this throat ache and cough doing to me? Answer: It’s forcing me to shut up, stay silent and dwell within.

And suddenly it struck me that it’s no coincidence that I’ve got a bad throat during an unusually ‘talkative’ period of my life, both literally and figuratively. I’ve been meeting up and talking to a lot to people — both young and old, both from a mentor’s and a friend’s point of view. I’ve been uncharacteristically active on Facebook, which goes against my grain in a sense because I like reading and ‘listening’ more than updating my status and ‘speaking’.

I’m a strange paradox of an ‘expressive introvert’: on one hand, nothing gives me more pleasure than being alone in an empty home, and I cannot work well unless I have my own private cabin. On the other hand, I feel hugely released and cathartic from venting out the most intimate details of my life here on my blog. And it’s okay, really. I can be both. I contain multitudes.

So what my throat is trying to tell me now is that, at the core, my nature demands me to speak less and write more. That’s interesting – because I take my role of ‘teacher’ very seriously. I believed there is no other way for me to teach but through speaking out loud, but apparently, my body does not agree.

Time for self-preservation, healing and understanding my own truths.

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